QoS Ep 16 ~ Mastering the Game of Online Dating

Are you ready to brave the world of online dating? But, hold on, how can you craft a magnetic dating profile that draws the right people towards you? This episode of Queen of Swords is your roadmap to navigating the vast universe of online romance, loaded with real-life stories and practical advice. We reveal the joys, challenges, and a few unexpected twists you might encounter as you journey from crafting your profile to going on your very first date. 

Now, imagine yourself typing out that first message, your heart pounding with excitement and a touch of fear. How do you initiate a conversation that sparks interest and keeps it? We've got you covered! Tune in as we break down the do's and don'ts of using emojis, being authentic, and taking safety precautions for that first meeting. We also tackle common pitfalls like ghosting and how to avoid them. Plus, we'll be answering your questions and addressing your concerns in our upcoming episodes. So, brace yourself for an exhilarating ride through the digital landscape of love!

Transcript

Eva: 0:00

Welcome to the Queen of Swords, the podcast where we take on relationship drama like a boss. Are you tired of being ghosted, breadcrumbs or just plain confused? Well, grab a glass of wine, put on your favorite sweatpants and join me, the one and only Queen of Swords, as I take you on a journey through the ups and downs of modern dating and relationships. With some relatable anecdotes and a little bit of tough love, I'm going to help you navigate the tricky waters of love, lust and everything in between. So, whether you're single in a relationship or it's complicated, join us every other week as we laugh, cry and learn to slay the dating game like the Queens that we are. Let's Alright, folks. Let's kick things off by stepping into the intriguing world of online dating. It's pretty fascinating, you know. Did you know that recent stats tell us that more than 30% of all US adults have given online dating world at some point in their lives? That's a whole bunch of people, each of their own unique stories, out there on the hunt for that special connection and, post COVID, it seems like that number is just rising up and up. So here's a real world example to put things into perspective. Meet Rita, a fellow New Mexican just like yours truly, rita decided to dip her toes into the online dating pool after hearing some success stories from her buddies. So she crafted an honest and charming profile on a popular dating app. And guess what? In no time, she crossed paths with someone who shared her passion for art and terror reading. Yeah, we've got another thing in common their first date, a leisurely stroll through a local art gallery. And guess what? Fast forward today and they're happily committed.

Eva: 1:48

But wait, not every online dating stories all sunshine and rainbows. Take John, for example. He dove headfirst into the classic pitfall of rushing things. After just a few days of chatting with someone he met online, he felt this deep connection and decided to spill the beans about some seriously personal stuff. Tough break, though, turns out, the person he was chatting with wasn't exactly who they claimed to be either. These tales paint a picture of the highs and lows that you can encounter in the world of online dating. And guess what? We're here to be your trustee guides through it all.

Eva: 2:21

Whether you're a seasoned pro in the online dating game or just thinking about dipping your toes into the digital dating pool, this episode is custom made for you. We're going to be serving up some practical advice, share some experiences and chat about the do's and don'ts of online dating in the most friendly and approachable way possible. So let's jump right into the fascinating world of online dating. It's like a virtual playground, filled with potential matches, but also a few twists and turns, but that's what makes it so interesting, right? So let's talk about the numbers. As I mentioned earlier, more than 30% of adults in the US have dipped their toes into the world of online dating. That's a pretty significant chunk of the population. And guess what? It's not just about numbers, it's about diversity. Online dating isn't just for the young people anymore. It's for everyone, from Gen Z to Baby Boomers. It's a melting pot of ages and backgrounds. So it isn't just a millennial thing anymore, it's an everyone thing. Here's a real eye-opener. Did you know that 66% of online dayers have actually gone on a date with someone that they met through a dating site or app? That's a whole lot of digital first dates happening out there.

Eva: 3:32

Let's get personal with a couple of stories. I meet Sarah, a 30-year-old graphic designer from Austin Texas. She's living proof that online dating can lead to lasting, meaningful relationships. She found love on a dating app and is now happily married with two kids. But then there's Mark. He's a 25-year-old aspiring musician from Los Angeles. His online dating journey wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. He's had his fair share of not-so-great experiences, including a few catfish encounters. Dark stories remind us that online dating has its challenges.

Eva: 4:06

Let's dig into some more examples. Shall we Take John and Emily, for example? They met on a dating app during the pandemic and had their first date through a video call. Despite not being able to meet in person for months due to lockdowns, their connection grew stronger. It's a prime example of how online dating can adapt to even the trickiest of circumstances.

Eva: 4:27

And then there's Lisa, who learned a valuable lesson about profile. Honestly, she used some seriously filtered photos that made her look pretty different from how she looks in real life. When she finally met her date in person, let's just say the disappointment was palpable. It's a reminder that being authentic in your online dating profile is key. Finally, there's Brian, who stumbled upon Love in the Most Unexpected Place, a niche dating site for hikers and outdoor enthusiasts. It goes to show that specialized dating platforms can help people connect over shared interests, no matter how unique. So, as you can see, the world of online dating is as diverse as the people who use it. It can lead to beautiful love stories, teach us valuable lessons, and sometimes it's just a wild adventure. Online dating has something for everyone and it's world worth exploring. Let's shift gears and dive headfirst into the fascinating world of online dating profiles. Creating a profile that captures attention and makes a lasting impression is an absolute must. So let's roll up our sleeves and talk about some tips to help you master the art of crafting an amazing dating profile.

Eva: 5:36

Tip number one the power of profile pictures. Okay, folks, here's the scoop. Your profile picture is like the front cover of your dating book. Studies actually back this up. Having a clear, high quality photo can boost your chances of getting likes by up to 30%. Take Jane from Georgia, for example. She decided to give online dating a whirl and she made a simple but impactful change to her profile. She swapped her profile picture for one where she's well lit and flashing a genuine smile. The result within a week, her match is shot up significantly. It just goes to show that sometimes it's the small changes that lead to the biggest results. But here's a pro tip Be mindful of the message that your photos send. If you're looking for a meaningful connection, make sure that your photos reflect that. I have had clients who've posted pictures of themselves drunk at a club and then wonder why they aren't finding any quality matches. It's all about aligning what you're looking for with what you're putting out there.

Eva: 6:35

Now on to tip two crafting and compelling bio. Your bio is like the back cover blurb of your dating book, and here's a juicy tip Profiles with good bios are 60% more likely to get a message. So let's take a look at two different bios, okay. First we're going to have the good dating profile.

Eva: 6:54

Hi there, I'm Summer, a terror reader and artist, tailing from the enchanting landscapes of New Mexico. When I'm now shuffling cards or creating art, you can find me lost in the pages of the good book. I'm all about embracing the mystical and magical silent of life, and I'm looking for someone who's open to exploring that with me. I'm a firm believer in good vibes and positive energy. Whether it's finding the perfect tarot spread or discovering a hidden gem in the art world, I'm always up for an adventure. I'm known for my friendly and approachable nature, and I love sharing laughs and meaningful conversations with friends and loved ones. If you're someone who values creativity, spirituality and a touch of whimsy, we might just be a perfect match. Let's chat over our favorite books, swap tarot stories and see where the cosmic journey takes us. Well, it's just like a window into their world. With enthusiasm for art, tarot, reading and books, it's engaging and inviting, right.

Eva: 7:46

But then there's the bad dating profile. Hi, I'm Summer. I guess I'm into tarot and art or whatever. I don't know, it's not a big deal. I live in New Mexico and it's alright. I guess I like reading sometimes, but it's not like I'm a bookworm or anything. I'm just here to see what's out there, I guess. Not really sure what I'm looking for. Hit me up if you want or don't. It's whatever. Well, that's a bit well bland and vague. It doesn't really tell you much about the person or what they're looking for. Remember that a good dating profile should be like a captivating story reflecting your personality, your interests and what you're seeking in a partner.

Eva: 8:25

Now for tip three. Honesty is key. It's vital to keep it real in your profile. You know that you want to put forward the best impression possible, but studies reveal that over half of folks on dating apps feel let down when they meet someone whose real life self doesn't match who they found in the profile. Consider Becca. She claimed to be a bookworm, but rarely picked up a book, so when her date, a fellow book lover, met up with her, he was pretty disappointed. Being honest in your profile can save you from these mismatches. Finally, tip four showcase your interests. Your profile is like your own little stage. Use it to shine a spotlight on your hobbies and your passions, just like summer. Take Maria, for instance. She mentioned her love for hiking and salsa dancing in her profile and guess what? She attracted matches who shared her interests, making those first conversations and dates flow naturally. So, to sum it all up, your profile picture, bio honesty and showcasing your interests are the magic ingredients for a profile that stands out and attracts the right message. It's all about being genuine and presenting the best version of yourself.

Eva: 9:41

Alright, folks, let's dive into the art of conversation in the world of online dating. No more small talk. We're getting real here. But before we get started, I've got some eye-opening stats to throw your way. Did you know that, according to a recent survey by Pew Research, a whopping 60% of Americans believe that online dating is a great way to meet people? It's pretty clear. It's become a staple in the modern dating scene.

Eva: 10:03

Now, when it comes to sending that first message. Here's a little nugget of wisdom. It's a generic hey or what's up messages, not your best bet. Statistics show that personalized messages get a way better response rate. So take a second to read their profile and craft something that shows that you're genuinely interested. Here's a bit of advice that may sound a little strange, unless you're a South Park fan. Have you seen the episode where one of the characters uses chat GPT to respond to his girlfriend and then he ends up sounding totally different in person? Yeah, don't do that. It's a recipe for disappointment when you finally meet.

Eva: 10:39

Next, emojis they're not just for fun, they're also your wingman in the digital dating world. A study by the dating app Zeus found that using emojis can boost your response rates by up to 62%. But hey, don't go overboard. Moderation, my friends. Let's talk about keeping those conversations interesting and respectful.

Eva: 11:00

We've got a real gem from a listener, abigail, who landlip. Instead of the usual how's the weather stuff, her match dropped a thought-provoking question If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be? It kicked off this fascinating chat and gave them a glimpse into each other's interests. But hold up. Not everything is all sunshine and roses in online dating land. A survey by Norton Lifelock found that 43% of online daters have stumbled onto some fishy stuff on dating profiles. So be on the lookout for red flags during your messaging phase. If someone's dodging personal questions or their responses don't add up, it might be time to be a bit cautious. Trust your gut. Oh, and another listener, john, spotted a red flag of his own. His match was all about the heavily filtered selfies and was a bit camera shy, to say the least. Turns out, honesty was a rare gem in that profile. John knew it was time to move on.

Eva: 11:53

Lastly, let's talk about safety. Online dating is a blast, but safety should always be front and center. A report by the Online Dating Association found that 15% of online daters have felt unsafe at some point during their dating journey. That's why you've got to take precautions when you're meeting someone for the first time. We'll dive deeper into first dates and safety measures in just a second, but for now, remember this Personalize those messages, use emojis wisely and keep an eye out for those red flags Ready to dive into the world of first dates and stay in the safe. It's a topic that's absolutely crucial and we've got some real gems of wisdom to share with you. But before we get into the nitty-gritty, here's a stat that can give you pause. According to research from the Pew Research Center, a whopping 55% of folks who ventured into the world of online dating have had at least one moment that made them feel uncomfortable. That's more than half of the online dating crowd.

Eva: 12:47

Soon, you might be wondering what can I do to make sure my first date is not just enjoyable but also safe? Well, fret not, because we've got some trusty tips coming your way. First off, consider choosing a public spot for your rendezvous. Think cozy coffee shops, bustling restaurants or serene parks. Public places offer that extra layer of security that private spots might lack. Oh and quick side note, bars. While a lot of fun can be tricky, because there's always the possibility that your drink might get tampered with I remember my friend's experience when she decided to meet her online match at a local cafe. It was full of people that she knew well, she saw on a regular basis, and surrounded by friendly faces and familiar voices. She felt more at ease and it turned out to be a fantastic date.

Eva: 13:36

Next up, always share your plans with someone close to you. It's a simple but powerful precaution. Let a friend or family member know exactly where you're headed and who you'll be meeting, just in case you know, heaven forbid, anything goes wrong. At least there's a starting point for people to start looking for you. I received an email from a listener who shared how sharing her plans with a friend helped her feel safer. She even had a friend call during the day as a quick check-in, adding that extra layer of security. Here's the golden rule trust your instincts. If something feels off or it doesn't sit right it probably isn't you have every right to step away from a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. I read a study that found 60% of people who trusted their instincts during a day felt safer, but in more control. It's your inner compass guiding you. A listener shared her story about how a video call revealed someone's true intentions, prompting her to decide not to even meet him in person. It potentially saved her from an uncomfortable or even dangerous situation.

Eva: 14:41

Another important tip be cautious about sharing your personal information. This tells us that 53% of online daters have encountered someone looking for personal or financial details way too early in the game. Remember, it's okay to keep your personal information close until you're comfortable. I recently read about a case where someone insisted on knowing their date's address on the very first date. She felt that he was just way too pushy about it and she wondered if maybe he would try to follow her home Major red flag right. The date wisely ended there. These stats and real life stories underscore the importance of making your safety a priority when navigating the world of online dating. Enjoy the journey, but keep that vigilant radar on.

Eva: 15:25

Next up, we'll be discussing some common pitfalls and how to sidestep them. Right now, we're going to dive into some common hiccups that folks encounter in the world of online dating. Let's kick things off by checking out some numbers that give us a glimpse into these challenges. Did you know that around 53% of people who tried online dating have had the not so fun experience of being ghosted? Now, for those of you that might be scratching your head, ghosting is when someone you've been chatting that suddenly vanishes into thin air, leaving you hanging. Yeah, it's a real online dating conundrum. And here's another eyebrow razor About 10% of all online profiles out there are thought to be about as fake as a $3 bill. That's what we call catfishing, where someone spins a web of deception by creating a whole fake identity. It's like a virtual masquerade and it's a strong reminder to keep your wits about you. But wait, let's keep it real with a story from one of our listeners.

Eva: 16:20

Meet Ginger, hailing from the great state of Colorado. She shared her online dating adventure with us. So Ginger met this seemingly perfect match online. Their messages were like a romantic novel, but when they finally met in person, it was like reading a completely different book. Turns out that this person had painted a fairly creative picture of themselves. It's a cautionary tale, reminding us that honesty and being true to yourself is gold in the online dating world.

Eva: 16:49

Now, how can you steer clear of these online dating potholes, you might ask? Well, first things, first communication. You know how I love to talk about communication. If you're vibing with someone, be upfront about your intentions. If it's not clicking, a polite message is a lot kinder than pulling a vanishing act, and trust those gut feelings of yours. If something smells fishy, chances are it is not a bouquet of roses. And when it comes to real life meetups, choose safe and public spots, especially for the first few dates. Remember that online dating is a lot like a box of assorted chocolates. Sure, you might stumble upon a few of the ghosting and catfishing flavors, but there are also countless ones of people finding love and genuine connections.

Eva: 17:35

Alright, folks, we've shared a bit of useful tips and some stories, and now let's dive into some real life success stories and tackle some of your burning questions about online dating. First up, we've got Alice from Ohio, just like many of you, taking the plunge into the online dating world with a mix of excitement and uncertainty. Now, alice didn't rush this. She took her time crafting an engaging and honest dating profile and guess what? She met her now husband on a popular dating app. By the way, did you know that over 30% of couples that tie the knot these days meet online? Alice's story is a shining example of the potential for meaningful connections in the digital realm. Now our next story is a tad unconventional, but full of that sweet serendipity. James and Emily both found themselves at a virtual art gallery event, part of a niche online community for art lovers. Their paths crossed during a live discussion about painting techniques that shared passion for art sparked a connection that bloomed into a deeper romantic relationship. So it's not just about swiping right. It can also be about shared interests and passions.

Eva: 18:43

Alright, it's time to tackle one of your questions. Jennifer from Arizona says I've been chatting with someone online for a while and I'm really interested in meeting them in person. How can I ensure my safety when going on a first date? Well, you've been chatting with someone online and want to ensure your safety on a first date. That's smart thinking, jennifer. Studies show that about 25% of online daters have faced safety concerns during their first date.

Eva: 19:07

First off, choose a public place for your meetup, like a coffee shop or a restaurant where there are other people around. It's also a good idea to let a trusted friend or family member know your plans, including details about your date. Arrange your transportation so that you have control over when you leave, and trust your instincts. If something feels off, don't hesitate to excuse yourself and go. Make sure that your phone is charged and easily accessible. Building trust online is great, but remember that your comfort and well-being come first.

Eva: 19:37

Next up, we've got Mark from Texas wondering how to improve his online dating profile. He says I've been using online dating apps for a while, but I'm just not having any luck. Any tips for improving my online dating profile? Great question, mark. To make your profile shine, start by being yourself. Show your interests, your passions and what makes you unique. Share those cool anecdotes about your life and your hobbies. And here's a tip Use a variety of clear and inviting photos. It can boost your popularity from your profile back to 10 times, according to recent research.

Eva: 20:12

Be specific about what you're looking for in a partner, whether it's someone who shares your spirituality or your love for the arts. Engage in conversations, ask questions and show generous, genuine interest in each other. And remember patience is key in the world of online dating. Finding that special connection might take some time, but staying true to yourself will lead you to more meaningful matches. Remember, online dating is a journey with its ups and downs, but it's also a world full of opportunities. So keep those questions coming and we'll keep exploring the realm of romantic relationships throughout the rest of this season. And there you have it another episode comes to a close.

Eva: 20:51

We've covered a lot of ground today, from creating a perfect profile to navigating first-date jitters, but before we say goodbye, let's leave you with a bit of a recap. Remember how we stated in 2021 that 30% of relationships in the United States began online. That's a significant increase from just a decade ago. It shows that the growing influence of online dating is all over our lives, as well as the lasting impact that COVID had on the world at large, changing the way people look at love. So if you're someone that's really resisted the idea of dating apps, it might be time to rethink that.

Eva: 21:24

We've learned about the importance of profile authenticity, how to initiate, engage in conversations, and crucial safety measures for first dates. We've also discussed some of the common pitfalls and ways to avoid them, but remember, online dating is an evolving landscape. It's not just about finding love. It's also about personal growth and self-discovery. So stay open-minded, be patient and, most importantly, stay safe. We're here to support you on your journey, so don't hesitate to send in your questions and your feedback. We love to hear from you. Keep in mind that the next episode is just around the corner, where we will be discussing divorce and moving on, followed by an episode on ghosting. Our first episode in October will be another listener Q&A session, so be sure to send in your questions to queenofswordspodcast at gmailcom or by using the contact page on our website.