I've walked through the fire and emerged on the other side, stronger and wiser. I was married for 11 years, and when it ended, I had to navigate the pain, guilt, relief, and the daunting task of rebuilding my life. In this personal journey, I unmask the emotional toll of divorce, likening it to grieving a loved one's death, and uncover the hidden opportunities for self-discovery and growth amidst the heartbreak. Together, we'll explore my journey from the anguish of a broken marriage to the exhilaration of rediscovering love.
In the aftermath of my divorce, I was forced to rebuild my self-esteem and trust, not just in others but in myself too. I’ll share how I set small goals and celebrated each achievement, slowly restoring my confidence. We’ll also delve into the anxiety of dipping your toes back into the dating world, while maintaining open communication and setting healthy boundaries. In the final segment, I offer lessons from my dating adventures, the importance of humor, and self-care in navigating the complex world of modern relationships. So buckle up, grab a cup of tea, and join me on this rollercoaster ride of rediscovering love and self after divorce.
Head over to www.queenofswordspodcast.com for the show notes!
I've walked through the fire and emerged on the other side, stronger and wiser. I was married for 11 years, and when it ended, I had to navigate the pain, guilt, relief, and the daunting task of rebuilding my life. In this personal journey, I unmask the emotional toll of divorce, likening it to grieving a loved one's death, and uncover the hidden opportunities for self-discovery and growth amidst the heartbreak. Together, we'll explore my journey from the anguish of a broken marriage to the exhilaration of rediscovering love.
In the aftermath of my divorce, I was forced to rebuild my self-esteem and trust, not just in others but in myself too. I’ll share how I set small goals and celebrated each achievement, slowly restoring my confidence. We’ll also delve into the anxiety of dipping your toes back into the dating world, while maintaining open communication and setting healthy boundaries. In the final segment, I offer lessons from my dating adventures, the importance of humor, and self-care in navigating the complex world of modern relationships. So buckle up, grab a cup of tea, and join me on this rollercoaster ride of rediscovering love and self after divorce.
Head over to www.queenofswordspodcast.com for the show notes!
Welcome to the Queen of Swords, the podcast where we take on relationship drama like a boss. Are you tired of being ghosted, breadcrumbs or just plain confused? Well, grab a glass of wine, put on your favorite sweatpants and join me, the one and only Queen of Swords, as I take you on a journey through the ups and downs of modern dating and relationships. With some relatable anecdotes and a little bit of tough love, I'm going to help you navigate the tricky waters of love, lust and everything in between. So, whether you're single in a relationship or it's complicated, join us every other week as we laugh, cry and learn to slay the dating game like the Queens that we are. Let's welcome back to another episode of our podcast. I'm your host, Eva, and today we're diving into a topic that's close to my heart divorce and the journey of rediscovering love. But before we jump into today's discussion, I want to share a bit of my own story, because, well, it's where this journey began for me. You see, I was married for a solid 11 years, with a beautiful child to show for.
Eva:The thing is, my ex partner and I had reached a point where we were both emotionally checked out of the marriage. We were at this crossroads where I think we were contemplating potential relationships outside of our marriage. But there was one thing that held us back the commitment that we had made to one another. It probably didn't help that he came from a deeply Catholic family either. We didn't want to cheat. We didn't want to break the promises we had once held so dear. So I stayed in that marriage, perhaps longer than I should have, primarily for the sake of my daughter. Now you might be wondering why would you do that? Isn't it better to find happiness outside of a failing marriage? And you're absolutely right. But sometimes we make choices we believe are for the best, even when they might not be staying in that marriage for the sake of my daughter. Well, it seemed like the noble thing to do at the time, but looking back, I can't help but wonder if it was the right move. It's a decision that has potentially damaged my relationship with her for quite some time, and it's something of a cautionary tale of sorts. So as we explore the intricate web of divorce, rebuilding trust, navigating new relationships and all of the ups and downs that come with it, keep in mind that my own experience has shaped my perspective. So grab a cup of tea, find a cozy spot and let's embark on this journey of rediscovering love after divorce. Remember that you are not alone on this journey.
Eva:Let's talk about the emotional rollercoaster that often accompanies divorce. Let's begin with an eye opening statistic. Did you know that divorce rates in the United States hover somewhere between 40 and 50%? That is a significant number of couples that are navigating the waters of separation. But behind those statistics are real people with real emotions, and I want to share a personal anecdote that I believe many of you can relate to. I remember the day that my ex partner and I finally admitted to ourselves that the love we had once shared had dwindled to a flicker. It was like looking at a painting that had faded over time and neither of us knew how to restore its vibrancy. We weren't alone in the experience. Countless couples face the same heartbreaking realization.
Eva:Let's talk about the emotions that come crashing in when you're going through a divorce. It's a whirlwind of feelings. There's sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, even relief yes, relief, because sometimes letting go is the only way to find yourself again. According to studies, emotional trauma from divorce can be as intense as grieving a loved one's death. It's no wonder that this process can feel like an emotional minefield. But here's the thing, dear listeners acknowledging these emotions is the first step to healing and trust me, I've been there. It's not easy, but it's essential. I recall nights when I'd lay in bed staring at the ceiling, wondering if I had made the right choice for my daughter. The guilt was overwhelming, but I knew that I couldn't continue in a loveless marriage just for the sake of appearances. Add in the idea of being single after over a decade, and there were so many emotions swirling around that sometimes I felt like I was drowning. Divorce can sometimes feel like you're trapped between a rock and a hard place, but it's also a necessary path to rediscovering yourself and eventually love. So if you're going through this emotional roller coaster, know that many of us have ridden those same roller coasters and have emerged stronger on the other side. So we've talked about the emotional roller coaster of divorce and now it's time to delve into the essential aspect of rebuilding trust and self-esteem.
Eva:Studies show that self-esteem often takes a hit during and after divorce. It's no surprise, considering the self-doubt and questioning that comes with the end of a long-term relationship. Maybe you've been part of we for so long that you don't know how to be a me, or maybe you're dealing with a partner who's cheated on you. After my divorce, my self-esteem was at an all-time low. I questioned my worth as a partner, as a parent and as an individual. It was as if the foundation of my self-identity had completely crumbled, because I got married pretty much right out of high school and I was four months pregnant when we got married. We had never lived together before the wedding, so my entire 20s and early 30s were as a wife and a mother, a time when I probably should have been learning who I was and what I wanted out of life. But here's the thing about self-esteem it can be rebuilt brick by brick, and that's exactly what we're going to talk about today.
Eva:One key process key step in the process is learning to trust yourself again. Divorce can shake your confidence in your judgment and in your decision-making. It's crucial to acknowledge those doubts and work on regaining trust in your own instincts. You might be questioning if the entire relationship was a lie, but the reality is that most relationships were good for a long time and it ending doesn't mean there wasn't something real there. According to psychological research, building self-trust is essential for post-divorce healing. It's linked to increased resilience and a more positive outlook on life. Don't be afraid to talk to a professional. The end of a marriage can feel a lot like a death, and there's no shame in seeking some treatment and help navigating that.
Eva:I started by setting small goals for myself and celebrating even the tiniest achievements. It could be as simple as finishing a book or taking a solo day trip. The day that I moved into my first department, living on my own was an incredible and kind of scary feeling. These victories reminded me that I was capable of making choices that were in my best interest. Let's talk about trusting others.
Eva:After the pain of divorce, it's natural to be cautious about opening up to new people, but remember, not everyone is the same as your ex-partner. So often I see women in my work that are measuring everyone by the yardstick of their ex-partner. They're expecting to be hurt and they're expecting to be left, and so they don't even bother to let people get close. Survey suggests that many people who have been through divorce are initially hesitant to enter new relationships due to trust issues, and that's not unexpected. However, the majority do find love again when they're ready.
Eva:I'll never forget the first time I went on a date after my divorce. It helped that he and I were good friends and that we knew a bit about each other already. The anxiety was palpable, but it was also this moment of empowerment. It was a step towards trusting others and trusting myself to make choices that were aligned with my happiness. So, whether you're in the midst of a post-defore self-discovery or if you're supporting someone on this journey, remember that trust and self-esteem can be rebuilt, but it takes time, patience and sometimes a little bit of professional guidance. But it is absolutely possible.
Eva:Now let's dive into the exciting but often challenging world of dating again and navigating new relationships. Did you know that approximately 60% of divorced individuals eventually consider dating again within two years of their divorce? That's right. Many of us take the plunge once more into the world of romance.
Eva:After my divorce, the thought of dating again felt like stepping into uncharted territory. It was a mix of excitement and apprehension. I worried about how I'd be perceived, especially with the baggage of a failed marriage. I worried about my daughter and how she would cope, and I worried about if it was too soon, if I was making the same mistakes. But here's the thing Dating after divorce is a chance for a fresh start, a new chapter and sometimes a better love story. It's a chance to rewrite your narrative.
Eva:Research indicates that divorces often experience a boost in self-confidence as they re-enter the dating scene. It's like rediscovering that they're desirable and realizing that they deserve happiness. I remember my first date post-divorce vividly. I was nervous, unsure and, honestly, a little rusty when I came to flirting and connecting with someone new. But it was also liberating to be out there meeting people who were interested in getting to know who I am now, not who I used to be in my past relationship.
Eva:Let's talk about a critical aspect of post-divorce dating communication and setting healthy boundaries. This is where the lessons learned from your previous marriage can come in handy. Studies show that individuals who communicate openly and set clear boundaries in their new relationships tend to have much more successful and fulfilling experiences. During my dating journey, I realized the importance of being transparent about my past and my intentions. It's okay to say I've been through divorce and I'm looking for something meaningful. This honesty can filter out potential partners who might not be a good match for your current life stage. But remember, not every relationship post-divorce is meant to be a long-term commitment. Some may be casual, while others lead to something deeper. It's about finding what works for you and what you want. According to relationship experts, individuals who take their time and don't rush into serious commitments post-divorce tend to have more successful and lasting relationships in the long run.
Eva:If you've been married for a long time, this is the time to sample the buffet, so to speak. Explore what you like and what you don't. I've had friends who found beautiful love stories after divorce, and I've had my own share of adventures that led to valuable life lessons. Each experience, whether it was a lasting relationship or a brief connection, taught me something about myself and what I was truly looking for in a partner. And for me, learning what was important to me led to my husband. He's everything I never knew I always wanted, as cheesy as that sounds. Sure, sometimes we butt heads, but the connection between us is so strong that we've weathered a lot of issues like losing a house to a natural disaster, moving across country, etc. And come out the other side so much stronger. We often joke of people that, if you really want to know if the two of you are compatible, travel together In our case, cross-country in a 32-foot RV taught us a lot. So if you're navigating the world of dating again after divorce. Remember that it's a journey filled with growth, discovery, sometimes surprises. Be open to the possibilities, trust your instincts and, most importantly, enjoy the ride. Sometimes you might stumble and sometimes you might soar, but I encourage you to remember what my favorite saying is you grow through what you go through.
Eva:Did you know that over 50% of remarriages involve children from previous relationships? That is a significant number of families navigating the complexities of blending. When I started dating my now husband, he had four boys, ranging from the adorable age of four to the complex teenage years of 16. On my side, I had an 11-year-old daughter. We were already a pretty diverse crew, but our story didn't stop there. Within a year of being together, I got pregnant with my second daughter, adding another layer to our beautifully chaotic family dynamic, throwing his ex-wife and my ex-husband, and it made for some interesting experiences.
Eva:Blending families can be like putting together a complex puzzle where every piece has its unique shape and personality and sometimes the picture on the top of the box is not there to guide you. It can be challenging, but it can also create a beautiful picture when all of those pieces finally fit together. Research suggests that successful blending often depends on open communication, establishing clear roles and boundaries and creating a sense of unity among all of the family members. In our journey, communication has been our lifeline. We've made a conscious effort to make sure that every child feels heard, respected and loved, and it hasn't always been easy, especially with the varied ages and needs, but it's been so worth it. One of the key lessons we've learned is the importance of patience and empathy. The kids didn't ask for this change in their family structure and it's our responsibility to provide them with a safe and loving environment.
Eva:Children from blended families often face unique emotional challenges, including adjusting to new family dynamics and loyalty conflicts. My 11-year-old daughter in particular struggled with these changes. She was incredibly upset about my pregnancy. For her, I think it was the cementing the idea that me and her dad weren't going to be getting back together, as well as feeding into some of those fears that she was going to get replaced. Her and I spent almost a year with her not wanting to come over from her dad's house. When it was my time with her and it heard a lot that she didn't want anything to do with the changes that were going on. She's come around since, but things are nowhere near as close as we used to be, and that's something that I have to live with.
Eva:Blending our family has taught us that love can expand and grow and adapt. It's a beautiful reminder that family isn't just defined by blood, but by the bonds that we create. Highlighting the importance of co-parenting in blended families, empathizing collaboration between biological and step parents is essential for the well-being of the children. Our co-parenting journey hasn't always been smooth sailing, but it's been worth it. My husband and I have learned to be a united friend well, for the most part anyway, supporting each other in parenting decisions and ensuring some sort of consistency for the kids, and we've added a little sprinkle of extra joy into our family with the birth of my second daughter. She's a testament to the love that can flourish even in the midst of blending things together. Remember that this is a journey of patience and love and it's not always going to be easy, but when it all finally fits together, it is so worth it.
Eva:Now it's time to talk about finding love again and the inspiring stories that show that it's never too late for a fresh start. Around 60% of divorced individuals eventually find love again and remarry. It's a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the capacity to let love in again. Let me share an example that embodies the spirit of finding love after divorce. Meet Rachel and Jason. They both went through emotionally challenging divorces, leaving them pretty skeptical about the possibility of finding happiness and love again.
Eva:Sarah, an artist from New York, and David, a kind-hearted man with four amazing boys, met under unique circumstances. Their story began with a chance encounter at a local art gallery. David was an avid art enthusiast attending one of Sarah's exhibitions. Drawn to her talent and her charisma, he struck up a conversation with her which led to a blossoming friendship. As they spent more and more time together, they discovered that they shared similar values and a deep appreciation for life's beauty. They connected over their love for their children and their desire to create a nurturing and loving family environment. But their love story wasn't without its challenges. They had to navigate the complexities of blending their families and at times it was a real roller coaster ride. But their commitment to open communication, mutual respect and unwavering support for one another and for their children allowed their love to flourish.
Eva:Studies show that successful relationships after divorce often involve individuals who have taken the time to heal, grow and understand themselves better. It can be scary sometimes to be alone, but don't rush into something before you've given yourself a chance to work through all those complex emotions. Rachel and Jason both embarked on self-discovery journeys and personal growth before they met. Sarah embraced her role as an artist, finding fulfillment in her creative pursuits. David had focused on being the best dad he could be to his four boys, empathizing the values of love, empathy and understanding. Their individual journeys of healing itself improvement allowed them to come together as stronger, more self-aware individuals, ready to embrace the love that they truly deserved.
Eva:And the most beautiful part of their story. Then, two years, they were married and creating a happy home for their children. Their journey is a testament to the fact that love can bloom in the most unexpected places and it can be even more profound the second time around. Their stories are a reminder that, with patience, self-discovery and a willingness to open your heart, finding love again after divorce isn't just a possibility. It's a beautiful reality.
Eva:So as we conclude our journey today, I want you to remember that love knows no bounds and it's never too late to start a new chapter in the book of you. So thank you for joining me on this heartfelt exploration of divorce, rediscovery and love. Until next time, stay open to the magic of life and may love find you where you least expect it. Well, folks, that's a wrap on another episode of Queen of Swords. We hope you enjoyed the ride and that you're feeling a bit more empowered and a little bit less confused about the wild world of dating and relationships. Remember, when it comes to love, there are no easy answers. But with a little bit of humor, a lot of self-care and a trusty sword by your side, you can handle anything the heart throws your way. So until next time, keep your sword sharp, your heart open and your standards high. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review us on your favorite podcasting platform. Thanks for listening and we'll see you soon.