QoS Ep 19 ~ Listener Q&A Session II

Welcome to the Queen of Swords podcast, where we dive into the mystical world of relationships and self-discovery with a dash of humor and a pinch of wisdom. I'm your host, Eva, and today, we've brewed up an enchanting episode for you: it's our October Listener Q&A!

In this episode, we're serving up answers to 8 thought-provoking questions straight from our fabulous listeners. From long-distance love conundrums to navigating the treacherous waters of cheating, we're unpacking the heart's mysteries. Feeling like the dating scene has gone dry, or maybe your relationship has lost its spark? We've got insights and advice to reignite that fire.

Join us as we explore these real-life relationship dilemmas and provide you with practical, down-to-earth advice while keeping our signature friendly and approachable vibe intact. We believe in fostering connections, and we're here to help you find your path, whether you're single, taken, or somewhere in between.

So, grab your favorite beverage, get comfy, and let's embark on this insightful journey together. Remember, love and life are full of twists and turns, but the Queen of Swords is here to guide you with a dash of humor, a pinch of wisdom, and a ton of heart. Tune in to our October Listener Q&A and let's navigate these intriguing matters of the heart together.

Transcript

Eva: 0:55

Hey there, wonderful listeners. I'm your host, eva, and I'm absolutely thrilled to have you joining me today. We've got some incredible questions from our listeners that I can't wait to dive into. So whether you're flying solo, in a partnership or just fascinated by the intricate dance of human connections, this episode is tailor-made for you. But before we jump in, let me remind you that if you've got burning questions or topics you'd love to explore in upcoming episodes, don't be shy. You can connect with me on social media or shoot me an email over at Queen of Swords podcast at gmailcom. I'm here to be your guide on this enchanting journey. So grab your favorite cup of tea, set the mood with a cozy candle and get ready to journey with us through the Enchanting world of relationships. So let's kick things off with our first listener question, dear Eva. Hey there, I'm Sarah, and I'm facing a bit of a conundrum right now. I could really use your advice on this one. So here's the deal.

Eva: 1:47

I've been with my partner, mark, for four years. We've had our fair share of ups and downs, but there's one big issue that's been bugging me lately trust. Around a year and a half ago, I found out that Mark had cheated on me. It was a massive shock and we went through a really tough time trying to heal and rebuild our relationship. I had to give it to Mark. He shows deep remorse and he's been working really hard to make amends. I can honestly feel his dedication to us. But here's the hitch Despite his efforts, I'm still wrestling with those trust issues. I'm constantly second guessing what he does and doubting his intentions. I want to believe in our future together, but I'm stuck in this cycle of suspicion. How do I navigate those trust issues? What steps can I take to rebuild that trust and shake off these nagging doubts that won't leave me alone? I'm genuinely eager to move forward in a healthy way, but this lingering sense of insecurity has got me in a bind. Hi, sarah, I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges that you're facing in your relationship with Mark, but I really applaud your commitment to working through them. Rebuilding trust after infidelity is no small feat, but it is possible with time and effort. So here are some steps that you can consider to navigate those trust issues and work towards a healthier and more secure relationship Self-reflection.

Eva: 2:58

So when it comes to self-reflection, it's like this Begin by looking inward and exploring those feelings and fears that have surfaced since Mark's actions. It's completely natural to have some trust issues after experiencing such an absolute breach of trust. These emotions can be pretty intense and it's important to give yourself the space and time to process them. As you reflect, try and pinpoint the specific aspects that trigger your doubts. Is it certain behaviors, situations, maybe even particular phrases that make those feelings come back up? The more you can identify those triggers, the better you can work around them and, over time, get that sense of security and trust back.

Eva: 3:38

Open communication Open communication is key, sarah. You need to sit down with Mark and have a heart-to-heart conversation. It's absolutely essential that you express your concerns and you talk about the fears that have been eating away at your trust. Tell him exactly how his actions have affected you. In this talk, it's crucial for both of you to be able to be completely transparent about your feelings and expectations. You need to understand where each of you stands and what you both want moving forward.

Eva: 4:04

It's not just about laying it all out there. It's about finding common ground and figuring out if there's a way to rebuild the trust that's been broken. This conversation won't be easy, but it's a necessary step in the process of healing and making decisions about relationship. So let's dive into the important realm of setting boundaries in your relationship after what happened with Mark. This step is all about creating a safe space for you to heal and rebuild your trust. It's a mutual effort, so both you and Mark need to agree on these boundaries. Think about what makes you feel secure and comfortable. These boundaries can involve things like open and honest communication, transparency about Mark's actions or even spending some quality time together to rekindle that connection. Remember, these boundaries aren't about restricting Mark. They're about rebuilding the trust gradually and ensuring that you're both on the same page, rebuilding together.

Eva: 4:54

One of the key steps in healing from a situation like this is to engage in things that not only strengthen your emotional connection but also help both you and Mark move forward. Consider rekindling the romance in your relationship. Maybe special plan, a special date night, a weekend getaway, maybe even just spend quality time doing things that you both enjoy. Creating new memories can be incredibly healing and it helps you to shift that focus away from the past hurt and more on the present. It's also essential to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. Remind yourself of what brought you together in the first place and the things that you cherish about each other. This positive reinforcement can be really powerful in rebuilding the trust, and it might be a good idea to think about seeking the guidance of a relationship therapist or counselor. These professionals specialize in helping couples navigate through difficult situations just like the one you're facing. They can offer valuable insights and even strategies that are tailored to your specific needs. A therapist can help you both work on rebuilding the trust, understanding the reasons behind why Mark did what he did, and then helping you improve your communication, which is absolutely crucial for being able to move forward.

Eva: 6:02

Rebuilding trust after betrayal, like you've experienced, is a journey with its own twist and turns. It's not a straight path. There will be moments of progress and then occasional setbacks. Think about it like a roller coaster. There are ups and there are downs, and sometimes you're going to feel really great about the strides that you're making In rebuilding that trust, and other times you feel like you've kind of hit a wall.

Eva: 6:25

The key is to be patient with yourself and your partner. Celebrate the small victories, no matter how tiny they seem. Maybe it's a heartfelt apology from Mark, a sincere conversation or even a moment when you feel a glimmer of trust returning. These little wins are building blocks, and it's crucial, sarah, to make self-care a priority during this time. We're talking about not just surviving, but thriving. So what does that look like? Well, it's about more than just bubble baths and scented candles, although those can be great too. Take the time to engage in some self-care practices that really resonate with you. Maybe it's getting lost in a good book, going for a long walk in the woods, maybe even losing yourself in yoga. It's about doing things that make you feel genuinely happy and centered.

Eva: 7:17

And remember, you don't have to go through this alone. Lean on your support network, whether it's close friends, family or the therapist. They're all there to listen, support and help you navigate the journey. You have got an entire team of people who care about you and your well-being. The key is to put yourself first, both emotionally and physically. As you move forward, it's important to remember that trust, once broken, can be mended, but it's a gradual process that requires effort from both of you. You both have to be willing to speak on this, and it sounds like you are, and that speaks volumes about your commitment to each other. Keep the lines of communication open and be patient with yourself and patient with Mark, with time and dedication, you can rebuild that trust and your relationship will be even stronger for it.

Eva: 8:03

Hey, eva, I'm Alex and I've been with my partner, katie, for more than seven years now. We've had some incredible moments together, but recently I've been feeling like our relationship has hit a rough patch. We used to be inseparable, sharing our dreams, aspirations and countless adventures together, but these days it just it feels like we're drifting apart. Our conversations have become kind of routine and those deep, meaningful talks that we used to have are becoming more and more rare. Now both Katie and I lead pretty hectic lives. We have demanding jobs and we have things that we're doing on our own, and it sometimes feels like we've let those things overshadow our relationship. We've stopped doing the things that used to bring us so much joy as a couple. Our shared hobbies have become a distant memory and our sex life has taken a big hit. I get that relationships naturally evolve, but it kind of feels like we're missing something really important.

Eva: 8:53

We both want to rekindle that spark that first brought us together, but we're a little bit lost on where to start. How can we inject some new life into our long-term relationship and rediscover the passion that you used to define us. Any advice or tips you can offer would be greatly appreciated. We are totally willing to put in the effort to make things work again. Well, alex, thanks for opening up about your situation. It's clear that you really care about your relationship with Katie. All relationships are going to have their ups and downs, and the good news is that you can absolutely rekindle the spark.

Eva: 9:24

First things first, communication is crucial. Sit down with her and have an honest, open conversation about your feelings, share what's on your mind and don't forget to listen to her as well. Talk about what you both miss from the earlier days of your relationship and try to find some common ground. Another thing you can do is revisit your shared interests and hobbies. Life can get crazy busy and it's really easy to forget about those things that bring you joy. But making an effort to reintroduce activities that both made you happy, even if and I've had to do this before even if you have to schedule in a time in the beginning so that you can establish that pattern again so whether it's cooking together, going on hikes, painting or whatever else it is that you guys have in common, dedicating time to those activities can really help to reignite things for you. Think about planning a little getaway too, even if it's just for the weekend. Sometimes all you need is a change of scenery. Spending quality time away from the daily grind allows you to focus on each other and, honestly, if you can do it, leave the electronics at home, just spend time with each other.

Eva: 10:31

Surprise gestures can also make a big impact. They could be a little acts of kindness like leaving sweet notes, planning an unexpected dinner or maybe organizing a fun date night, and it can remind you both of the love that you share. Remember that relationships take effort, but it is entirely possible to bring back the passion and intimacy that you once had. The key is to make a joint effort to prioritize your connec your connection, and I think you've both got that. You've got that strong foundation to build on, and all it's going to take is a little time and attention for things to blossom again. So best of luck, alex. I hope that these steps help you to reignite the spark in your relationship with Katie.

Eva: 11:11

Alright, on to our next letter. Hey, eva, I'm James, just your regular 27-year-old software engineer here in the hustle and bustle of Citylife. So I've got a bit of a head scratcher in the love department, and I could absolutely use your wisdom. You see, I've been getting to know this fantastic person, sam, for a few months now. We crossed paths at a local art exhibit and from that moment sparks were flying. Sam is this incredible artist and he's got so much talent and a killer sense of humor that matches mine. Our interests, values and life goals all seem to align, making it feel even more powerful.

Eva: 11:46

But here's where the plot thickens. Sam and I have been on plenty of dates and we spend a ton of time together. Yet there are moments where I can't quite figure out the signals. We sometimes have these deep, soul-bearing talks about our hopes and dreams, even flirting with the idea of a serious, committed relationship. But then there are those other times where Sam seems distant, kind of elusive, especially when it comes to making plans together.

Eva: 12:13

So naturally, I'm stuck in this whirlpool of confusion. Is Sam genuinely up for a serious relationship with me, or is he just soaking up the companionship without a long-term commitment in mind? It's a rollercoaster of emotions and I'm feeling a little bit lost. I don't want to push Sam into something he's not ready for, but on the flip side, I kind of feel like I need some clarity about whether we're on the same page or not regarding our future. Any words of wisdom on how to navigate the maze and get a beat on Sam's true intentions? Hello James, of course I'll help. It's totally normal to feel unsure, especially in the early stages of a connection.

Eva: 12:50

In your case, there can be several factors at play, like Sam's own experiences, expectations and how he communicates. First and foremost, though, I'd recommend sitting down and having a candid chat with him. Since you've already talked about your hopes and dreams, that's a great start. Creating a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and expectations is important. Ask Sam how he envisions the future of your relationship. It can provide some insights into his intentions.

Eva: 13:18

Given that you're in a same-sex relationship, it's also important to recognize that everyone's journey is unique, and sometimes those societal factors can add complexity. Sam might be navigating his feelings in a slightly different way from you. Patience and empathy are going to be your allies here. Another thing to consider is finding common ground. Explore those shared interests and activities. Spending time together in various contexts can lead to better understanding of each other's feelings and intentions. While communication is vital, actions speak volumes too. Pay attention to how Sam treats you and the effort that he puts into the relationship. Consistent care, consideration and respect are positive signs. Keep in mind that relationships take time to develop and evolve. You're both unique individuals and you have your own pace and approach to things. It's perfectly fine to be patient and take things one step at a time. Love and commitment should feel right for both of you. Lastly, trust your instincts. If you genuinely believe in the connection and are willing to invest in it, your confidence and commitment will guide the relationship forward. I hope these suggestions help you with your relationship with Sam. Best of luck, and I hope you find clarity.

Eva: 14:31

Question 4. Hey there, I'm Jessica, 30 year old graphic designer, and I've got a story to share. So I met George, my awesome boyfriend. We've been rocking the long distance thing for the last two years. Our story started on a summer vacation and since then we've been living miles apart. The initial spark of our love story was off the charts amazing, but lately we've hit a bit of bump in the road. You see, it's not just about the miles between us, it's the whole busy career thing too. Both of us are really committed to our jobs, which sometimes leaves us with not a lot of time to connect. Our chats have become less frequent and a lot shorter, and it feels like we're drifting apart. Here's the deal. I'm head over heels for George and I honestly believe that he's the one. But this whole distance thing, it's challenging and, I'm not going to lie, I feel lonely a lot of the times and sometimes I wonder how are we ever going to make this work? So here's the big question how can we keep that emotional connection strong and our love alive when we're dealing with miles and miles of separation? Hey, jessica, thanks for opening up about your situation. I totally get that.

Eva: 15:36

Long distance relationships can be a real challenge. It's clear that you care about George and maintaining that connection means a lot to you. So here's some things to consider Keep the conversation flowing. Communication is vital. If you've listened to me for any length of time, you know that I hammer on communication a lot. Try to schedule regular video chats or phone calls in order to be really connected. I mean, we're talking about more than just a quick high and buy here. And when you do talk, be fully present in the moment. It's your chance to catch up, share your day or simply enjoy each other's company virtually.

Eva: 16:11

These conversations can help bridge the gap and make the miles feel a little bit shorter. Share some experiences, and by this I mean be together even when you're apart. For example, you could both pick a movie or a TV show and set a date to watch it simultaneously, and then make it more fun by texting or calling each other during and after the show to discuss your thoughts and reactions. It's like having your own private screening, even though you're in different time zones. If you're both bookworms, consider choosing a novel to read together, set a pace, like a certain number of chapters per week, and then schedule regular book club discussions. Sharing the storyline and your interpretations can help engage, can help spark engage in conversations. And for the gamers at heart, there's a vast world of online multiplayer games that allow you to team up and compete together. It's a really great way to bond and create memories. Even when you're not in the same room together, little surprises matter.

Eva: 17:09

Let's dive into this one in a little more detail. Imagine this you wake up to find a sweet voice note from George sharing his thoughts and feelings. It's like he's right there with you and it can brighten your whole day. And how about handwritten letters? Nobody does this anymore, but they carry a touch of personal love and care that emails and texts just can't match. Writing down your feelings on paper and sending them across the miles helps create that connection even more and a tangible memory, and you have something to read back on those days and times where you're feeling a little bit lonely.

Eva: 17:42

Plan some visits. It's important to make the most of the time that you can actually spend together in person. Given the long distance nature of things with George, planning visits is a fantastic way to create those moments, whether it's a quick weekend getaway or a more extended stay. These in-person visits are like gold when it comes to a long distance relationship. They're providing you with those opportunities to not only create memories and strengthen your connection, but also to just experience everyday life like a regular couple. Plus, it gives you something to look forward to and a chance to explore each other's worlds. So go ahead and schedule some visits when you can and make the most of the time that you can spend together.

Eva: 18:24

It's also crucial to have an honest and open conversation about your long-term goals as a couple. Take some time to really think about where you see your future together. What are your dreams, both as individuals and as a couple. This conversation can help you create kind of a roadmap of where you're heading as a team. Think about the practical aspects too. What is the plan for eventually being in the same place? Is it going to be him moving to you, you moving to him, finding a place in the middle, all moving in together, getting married, or even just a specific date in mind for the distance to end? Having a concrete plan can help provide you both with some hope and a little bit of a sense of purpose.

Eva: 19:10

Trust and independence are really challenging in long distance relationships, but here's the thing trust is like the absolute cornerstone in making it work. You and George have got to have faith in each other's commitment, even when you're miles apart. One way to tackle this is by maintaining your independence. It's super important that both of you have your own lives and activities that don't solely revolve around the relationship. That way, you're not constantly questioning each other's whereabouts and intentions, which can really help keep jealousy and insecurity abated. And as far as keeping busy, it's vital to focus on the things in your individual lives that spark joy. This not only helps you as an individual, but it also enriches your relationship.

Eva: 19:54

First, dive into your career and passions. Pour your energy into your work and hobbies. Not only will this keep you engaged and fulfilled, but it also gives you some great stories and experiences to share with George. When you do get a chance to connect, it's a fantastic way to keep the conversation interesting and lively. Additionally, explore your hobbies and your interest with some enthusiasm. Maybe it's painting or playing a musical instrument, or even hiking. These activities are like little pockets of joy for you. They don't only boost your happiness, but they give you a chance to grow as a person, which in turn helps the relationship and talk about any issues.

Eva: 20:34

If something is bothering you or you feel like the relationship is becoming too one-sided, don't hesitate to bring it up. Having honest and open conversations about your concerns is important. Share the details of what's on your mind. Maybe it's the feeling that you're putting in more effort or that you'd like to see each other more often. The more specific that you can be about what you have issues with, the better. This way, you can both work together to find some solutions or common ground that make you both feel comfortable. Long-distance relationships aren't a walk in the park, but with effort from both sides, they can work. Keep your love and commitment in focus, and with dedication and patience, you can make this through. Wishing you and George all the very best in this journey together.

Eva: 21:18

Question number five Dear Eva, hey there, hope you're doing well. I'm Lily and I'm facing a bit of a relationship puzzle right now. Dating has been a part of my life for a while and, honestly, it's been a bit of a roller coaster. I'm at a point where I'm just not sure how to find that special someone to share my life with, so I thought why not reach out and ask for some advice? I'm a 28-year-old architect living in the bustling city of New Haven. My friends say I've got my life together and I genuinely feel ready for a committed relationship. I've had a few long-term relationships in the past, but none of them quite hit that forever mark. It's been a struggle to find someone who clicks with me on both a personal and an intellectual level. I'm really into guys who are ambitious and passionate about what they do, just like me. Open communication, trust and a good sense of humor are all so important. I've dated some great guys, but it always feels like something's missing and I can't quite figure out what it is. I'm starting to wonder if it's something about me, my choice in partners, or if I'm just not looking in the right places. How do I know when it's time to stop actively searching for the one and shift my focus to self-improvement instead? I'm genuinely curious to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks a bunch for taking the time to read this, and I'm really looking forward to your advice. Thanks for sharing your story with me, lily. I really appreciate it.

Eva: 22:36

You know it's perfectly normal to feel the way that you do, especially when you're navigating the tricky world of dating in search of a meaningful relationship and, honestly, post-covid, it has become so much harder for people out there. First things first. Remember that this is a journey of finding the right person and it's a personal one, so there's no one size fits all solution, but here's some things that you can try. Self-reflection Take some time to think about your life goals and values. What are you truly looking for in a partner? Understanding your own needs and desires can guide you in making informed choices in your dating life.

Eva: 23:12

One of my favorite things to tell clients is to sit down with a notebook and just write down whatever comes to mind for traits that you need or want from a partner and then, on a separate page, write the things that are dealbreakers for you. Now put the list away for a couple of days, no peeking at it or adding to it, at least not right now. Now, after a couple of days have passed, pull out your two lists, take those things that you wrote down and create a list of the top five in each category. This becomes your shopping list of sorts. When you're looking at potential partners. It's really tempting to say, well, I guess I can wiggle on XYZ, but stick to the list. It makes a big deal. Two expand your horizons. It's all about breaking out of your comfort zone. Don't stick to just one type of person or place. You might be surprised how the most unexpected connections can pop up in the most unlikely of spots. Consider this Try attending a variety of events, whether it's local art shows or community fundraisers, or even some quirky niche gatherings.

Eva: 24:13

Join groups that align with your interests. Maybe it's a book club, a hiking crew or a board game night. The key is to follow your passions and explore hobbies that genuinely light your fire. The beauty of this approach is that you're more likely to meet people who share your enthusiasm and your feelings about certain things. These are the kind of people who can connect with you on a deeper level, and you might just stumble upon somebody special where you least expect it. So go out and explore, and who knows what fascinating people you're going to meet on your journey?

Eva: 24:44

Embrace the learning experience. I can't stress this one enough, lily. Every relationship, whether it's a quick fling or long term deal, it's like a chapter in the book of your life. It's a chance to learn, grow and discover more things about yourself, and even if a relationship doesn't go the distance, it can be a goldmine of incense Insights. Think of it this way those past relationships they're not failures. They're just stepping stones on the path to finding your ideal person. Each one gives you a better understanding of what you're looking for and what you're not. They help you refine your preferences, your deal breakers and your must-haves. So, in the grand scheme of things, they're all little parts and pieces of the puzzle that's going to lead you to your right match. So don't be too hard on yourself or dwell on what didn't work out. Instead, celebrate the wisdom you've gained.

Eva: 25:39

When you meet someone new, it's important to be as upfront and candid as you can about your expectations and values, sharing what you're looking for and what truly matters to you in a relationship is like setting the stage. Imagine it as a two-way street where you both get to express your hopes and needs. This not only helps you understand if you're on the same wavelength, but also helps you to identify any potential red flags or incompatibilities early on. It's like a roadmap making it easier to decide if you want to take this journey together or if it's time to part ways. So don't be shy about laying your cards on the table. It's a real game changer in the world of dating, and if they can't deal with that, then it's better to know that right in the beginning rather than investing a lot of time and energy into them. You know, finding the right person is a bit like finding that hidden gem in a thrift store. It can take some time and guess what? It's totally cool to be single and take a breather. In fact, this me time is really important.

Eva: 26:38

During this solo journey, you get to focus on personal growth, kind of like tending to a beautiful garden. That is your life. Your career can flourish. Your self-improvement becomes your superpower. Think of it as an opportunity to fine-tune your interests, skills and goals. The magic often happens where you least expect it, like discovering a brilliant sunset on a regular Tuesday evening. So don't rush it. Enjoy the process and save the moments of self-discovery along the way. Trust me, it's worth the wait.

Eva: 27:09

Friendships this one's a gem. Sometimes these deep, heartwarming connections start off just as friends. It's like a beautiful journey where you're exploring a shared path. So keep nurturing your existing friendships, because you never know where they might lead. Now, of course, not every friendship is going to lead to a romantic relationship, but you never know. And as you spend more and more time with someone, you might start to see them in a different light. They might start to see you in a different light, and the spark of something more can kindle.

Eva: 27:42

And if you ever find yourself in a place where you're feeling really stuck or unsure about your relationship patterns, it can be incredibly helpful to consider talking to a therapist or a relationship coach. These experienced professionals are like relationship gurus. They can provide you a safe space for you to unpack your thoughts and feelings. They'll dive deep into your experiences and help you to gain some insights into your behavior, why you're making certain choices or why you're feeling a certain way. This understanding can be a real game changer. They'll work with you to uncover what might be holding you back, whether it's past experiences, fears or other factors that you might not even realize. It is perfectly fine to be single and focus on yourself. When the right person comes along, you'll be in a better place to build a strong, lasting relationship. In the meantime, keep your heart and mind open and enjoy the journey. Best of luck on your quest for love. Next listener, dear Eva.

Eva: 28:37

I'm Michelle and I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed with the frequent arguments in my relationship with my partner, jeff. We've been together for two years and recently it seems like we can't go a single day without arguing. We used to be incredibly happy, but now we're stuck in this cycle of anger and frustration with each other. It's sometimes it's about the smallest things, like what to have for dinner, and then sometimes it's more significant stuff, like our future plans. The constant arguing is really starting to affect me and I'm worrying about the long-term impact on our relationship. I really want to make things work with Jeff, but I'm not sure how to break this pattern of arguing. How can we fix this so that we're communicating better and we can get back to the harmony that we once had? Michelle, I am so sorry to hear that you're going through a challenging time with Jeff.

Eva: 29:26

It's not uncommon for couples to experience an increase in disagreements, especially as the initial honeymoon phase starts to settle into a more comfortable routine. First step is to sit down with Jeff and have a conversation about the issue. Make sure to choose a calm and private setting, express how you're feeling and encourage him to do the same. Sometimes, just talking about the problem can help lead to a better understanding. And during those conversations, focus on your active listening skills. Make sure that you're both taking turns speaking and that you're truly hearing each other out.

Eva: 30:01

Avoid interrupting or becoming defensive and try to understand each other's perspectives. Try and pinpoint the specific triggers for these arguments. Are there recurring themes? Identifying those patterns can also help you understand underlying issues and when conflicts do arise, try and address them in a healthy way. The key is to keep it respectful and constructive. Instead of resorting to personal attacks and finger pointing, direct your attention to what is actually the issue at hand. Use I statements, for example. You can say something like I feel hurt when we can't find time to talk during the week. This approach keeps the focus on your emotions and your needs rather than going with the blame game, like you always, prioritize work over us.

Eva: 30:48

Sometimes it can be helpful to take a break too, and I don't mean like Ross and Rachel and friends on break. I mean a few minutes if you're in the middle of a heated discussion, to just cool off, back up and collect your thoughts and then come back to the conversation when you're both feeling a little bit more composed and a little bit more open to actually working on resolution. And if you find that you're just not getting anywhere on your own, consider couples counseling. A therapist can give you guidance and strategies for better communication, but also for conflict resolution. Rekindle the more positive aspects of your relationship by spending some quality time together. Plan some enjoyable activities or dates that allow you to reconnect and remember why you fell in love in the first place. Remember that your team offer emotional support to Jeff and encourage him to do the same for you. It's essential to show that you're both there for each other, no matter what the circumstances. All relationships are going to have their ups and downs, and going through rough patches can sometimes be a sign of growth. And by taking these steps that we've just talked about, you can work together with Jeff to get through those conflicts. We've even learned a little bit more about each other and hopefully get back to that happiest place where you once were. Best of luck, michelle. I hope this helps you find a way to strengthen your relationship. Alright, we've got two more.

Eva: 32:15

Here is number seven. I'm Mike and I'm finding myself in a complicated situation that's been keeping me up at night. I've been best friends with Laura for years, and our friendship means the world to me. We've gone on countless adventures, had so many deep conversations and we've been there for each other through thick and thin. But there's something more I need to admit, because over time, my feelings for Laura have evolved into something more than friendship. I've developed some really strong romantic feelings for her, and I don't know what to do. Should I confess my love? Should I not? We're both single and lately seems like we've been spending even more time together. But I'm afraid that if I tell her how I feel, it'll change everything. Our friendship will be at risk, and it's something that I really want to keep in my life. I can't deny I've thought about the possibility of us being more than friends, and I feel like there's probably a connection on her side too, but I'm torn between wanting to be honest about my feelings and not wanting to ruin our incredible friendship. Do you have any advice on how to navigate this delicate situation? I really value your guidance, so I'm trying to figure out what's best for both of us. Hey, mike, thanks for sharing your question.

Eva: 33:27

So navigating feelings for a close friend can be exciting and a little bit scary. It's clear that you really find your relationship and your friendship with Laura to be really important, and so it's good that you want to handle this with care. So take some time to reflect on your feelings. Are they genuine? Are you sure they're not just a fleeting attraction? Make sure that you're prepared for the possibility that things might change in your relationship with her. Wait for a comfortable and private moment to talk to her. Choose a time when you're both relaxed and free of distractions so that you can have an open and honest conversation. And when you do speak with her, be honest about what you're feeling, but also empathize how much you value your friendship with her. Make it clear that you're sharing your feelings, but that you don't want to pressure her into making any decisions. But you need to be prepared for any response. Laura might need time to process what you've said and maybe her feelings don't align with yours. It's important to respect her response, whether she feels the same way about you or if she wants to remain friends Regardless of the outcome, continue to prioritize that friendship. If she doesn't feel the same feelings, don't let it make things awkward and distant between you. Show that you can respect her choices. These type of conversations can be complex and feelings can take some time to settle. So give your friendship time to adjust and don't rush into any romantic involvement. If she is open to looking at it, and reach out to your own support network, like close friends or even a therapist, to discuss your feelings and get some advice. Having that in external perspective can be really valuable. Remember, mike, it's important to be true to yourself while also be sensitive to Laura's feelings as well. Whatever the outcome, you guys have a strong foundation of friendship and that is a really solid base for any future interactions. Best of luck and I hope your conversation leads to a positive outcome.

Eva: 35:29

Alright, here's our last question. This is from Sophia. Hey, there, I'm Sophia, and I found myself in a bit of a relationship puzzle. Let me spill the beans. So there's this guy, michael, and he's my ex. We were together for three years and it was pretty good, but we decided to part ways about six months ago. No drama, it was more like a mutual realization that we were headed in different directions, chasing our own thing. We split up amicably and somehow we've stayed friends.

Eva: 35:57

So fast forward today and Michael drops this bombshell on me he wants to try again, he wants to rekindle things. Apparently, he says he's had some personal growth during our time apart and he thinks that we can be happy together again. I'll admit I still have feelings for him, but I'm not about to leap back into the frying pan with something that might not work. So here's where it gets tricky. While we were on our break, I met a new guy, david, and we've been dating for a few months and I really like him. Our chemistry is off the charts. But if I consider starting things back up with Michael, I'm worried about hurting David in the process. And then there's this big question Can people really change? Is it wise to give that relationship a second shot? I've got a bunch of factors and things and thoughts swirling around in my head and I just I need some guidance. So should I consider what should I consider before making a decision and how do I navigate this, being fair to both Michael and David. So it's clear that you're in a complex situation that is stating it mildly, and your concerns are completely valid.

Eva: 37:04

Starting things back up with an X can be a bit tricky, especially when there is a new and promising relationship involved. First off, trust your instincts. It's wonderful that Michael has expressed his desire to give your relationship another chance and that you've maintained a friendship. However, it's important to consider what's changed and whether those changes really line up with what you want. So when it comes to considering a reunion with Michael, it's essential to look at why. Why do you want to? Are you thinking about rekindling things with him because you genuinely see a potential for happiness together, or is it driven more by nostalgia, the comfort or familiarity? The last thing that you want to do is jump back into a relationship based on the past alone, only to find out that everything is completely the same. It's important to look at your own feelings and the compatibility of where you are now. Six months is a decent amount of time for personal growth and change, so consider whether you think Michael's personal growth aligns with the values and goals that you have now Reflect on your relationship with David as well. What do you enjoy about your time together, how does he fit into your current life and what you want for the future? Just make sure that you're making your decisions based on the present and the future, not just on the past, but be honest with them.

Eva: 38:28

Have an open and honest conversation with Michael. Since you broke up with him six months ago and are now dating David, it's a good idea to gain clarity on Michael's motives and see if it's really a viable option to get back together. Start by sitting down with Michael and asking him about the reasons behind his desire to try again. It's essential to understand what changes have occurred in his life and what's changed in his mindset during your time apart. Listen to him as he shares his thoughts and feelings. This will help you gain some insight into whether his intentions are good and whether he's genuinely undergone any personal growth during your time apart. This conversation not only provides you the clear picture of where Michael stands, but also allows you to evaluate your own emotions.

Eva: 39:16

Keeping David in the loop, though, is so important. After all, he's a significant part of the equation. Now. You've been dating him for several months and there's something real there between you. His feelings matter and you don't want to hurt him in the process. However, while David's feelings are important, it's equally important for you to prioritize your own happiness. You can't disregard the fact that Michael is someone you've shared a significant part of your life with. The history and the emotions they're real, and his desire to try again has clearly touched you in some way. Honesty will be your guiding star in this.

Eva: 39:51

If you decide to explore the possibility of reigniting the flame with Michael, it's imperative to have that conversation with David. Communication, make sure that he's fully aware of what's going on, explain your feelings honestly and let him know that this is a relationship decision that you are not taking lightly. Remember, both Michael and David deserve transparency and respect. It's not going to be an easy conversation, but it's the fairest and probably the most ethical way to approach it. By sharing your thoughts and feelings openly, you'll be giving them the opportunity to understand your perspective, but also to make their own decisions about how they want to move forward. Evaluate whether you and Michael really share similar values, goals and expectations for the future.

Eva: 40:40

If you find yourself seriously contemplating giving in another shot with Michael, the key is to take things at a pace that feels right for both of you. After all, rebuilding a relationship, especially after a breakup, isn't something that can be rushed. Considering that you've been apart for six months and have since been dating David, it's crucial that there is a lot of emotions involved there, and going slow gives you and Michael the chance to really understand how you've each changed during the time apart. It's an opportunity for growth and reflection on what you want from a relationship. Taking it slow also means gradually reintroducing elements of your past connection. Maybe you want to start by spending more time together in a casual friends way. This allows you to gauge your compatibility and rekindle the emotional bond that you had, explore your newfound interest and desires and make sure that they align with what you want. Remember, the goal is not only to rebuild but to create something even better than what was there before. Six months, after parting ways with David, with Michael, and now dating David, your emotions are going to be all over the place.

Eva: 41:51

Reach out to a trusted friend, or consider speaking with a therapist. Friends can provide a sympathetic ear and they might also offer personal experiences or perspectives you haven't considered. They'll listen to your concerns about Michael's reappearance and the budding relationship with David. Their insights can be really valuable, helping you to see the situation from different angles. On the other hand, a therapist can provide a more structured and professional setting for you to discuss your thoughts and feelings. They can help better guide you through this emotional maze and help you discover deeper insights into your own desires. They might also offer tools and strategies to help make the decision-making process earlier.

Eva: 42:32

Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. Take your time, listen to your heart and prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Remember, it's perfectly okay to put yourself first. Love and relationships can be complex, but with careful consideration, I think that you can make the right choice for you. I wish you all the best in navigating this tricky relationship terrain.

Eva: 42:55

Well, we went a bit over time this time, but I think it was really important that we touched on a good variety of different situations and I want to really thank you guys for everyone who submitted your questions. I didn't get to everybody's questions that were sent in and some of them will get shuffled into the pile for the next listener Q&A session, but your curiosity and your engaging with us is what makes this podcast really special to me, because my podcast is all about sharing my knowledge and my insights in a really approachable way. So if you have more questions, or maybe even some topics you'd like us to explore in the future, don't hesitate to send them to me. You can reach out anytime through our website, social media or however you prefer. Your questions help drive the content we create, and so we're here to provide you with answers and insights that matter to you. Stay curious, keep those questions coming and, until next time, take care and keep exploring. We'll be here to guide you along the way. So thanks for listening and we'll see you in the next episode.